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Boom-de-yadda
There were never any "good old days" — they are today, they are tomorrow
Everything that has a beginning has an end. And the end is in sight. 
2nd-Apr-2007 03:22 pm
depression
My beloved cat Cosmo is dying.



He'd been showing signs of something being not right for a while when spiritualmonkey took him to the vet at the beginning of March. $400 of office visit + tests later, all they could tell us was that there was no sign of blockage or other problem in his digestive system, his blood work was clean with no signs of infection, and the radiology showed "a large mass of some sort" occluding most of his right lung — probably cancer, but they weren't sure.

They could have done further tests, but the next one in the sequence would have been $500, and there was no guarantee it'd be definitive. And if they did diagnose it, what next? Cancer treatment is rough even if the patient starts out young and vigorous, and in cat terms, Cosmo is geriatric.

So we brought him home and have been keeping him comfortable. He's surprised me throughout this process — when we got the bad news from the vet, I thought it would be a week or less. But a week later, he was still chasing (and catching) moths, bullying his brother, and being his usual affectionate self. He hasn't shown signs of any pain or physical discomfort at any point (and I've been watching closely for them), and has continued to show far more energy and enthusiasm than I would have thought possible.

I've been spending an increasing time on the meditation cushion over the past month. Cosmo has been keeping me company. "Lotus position, with cat curled up against ankles" isn't standard zazen position, but it's felt like the right thing to do just now.

My mother used to say, "You love every cat you have, but every so often one comes along who's just your heart-cat." Cosmo is without a doubt mine. He's been a wonderfully companionable cat, always happiest hanging out near his monkeys. His favorite position is stretched out along the back of the sofa next to the picture window, where he can enjoy the view and sniff the breeze as it brings him the latest kitty news from the neighborhood.

He was originally my mother's cat — she decided to get a second cat to keep her first cat company and sent me off to the county animal shelter with instructions to "pick a good one". Unfortunately, her first cat turned out to despise all other cats, without exception, and taught Cosmo that the way you interact with other cats is to walk up to them and whack them on the nose with your claws out. After Mom died I adopted Cosmo. It was a little tough for him to adjust to living with the two cats I already had (who understandably didn't much like the whole getting whacked on the nose business), but eventually they made peace. It helped that the other two had seniority.

And when spiritualmonkey moved in, it helped that Cosmo had seniority. *grin*

If Cosmo could speak English, the most frequent phrase in his vocabulary would be "somebody's getting attention, and it's not Cosmo!" It doesn't really matter whether it's his brother, the bird, or even spiritualmonkey — if there's affection to be had, he wants some.

He's a gorgeous cat and he knows it. He loves being the center of attention, especially when we have female friends over. "So soft!" exclaimed matrushkaka when she first petted him. He purred.

Over the past several days his energy level has dropped markedly. It's time for me to take care of the final responsibility I committed to when I adopted him from the shelter twelve years ago. spiritualmonkey and I are about to put his cushion in the carrier and take him to the vet for the last time.


Cosmopolitan T. Fine Cat 510 Monkey-510
January 1994 — April 2, 2007
Comments 
3rd-Apr-2007 12:49 am (UTC)
I know pirate doesn't like these kinds of comments, but it's not his lj. my heart goes out to you on the loss of a member of your family. thank you for being brave.

*hugs*
3rd-Apr-2007 02:42 am (UTC) - *Grin*
That's why I pointed people thisaway.

Thanks babe.
3rd-Apr-2007 01:18 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry, Cosmo sounds like an outstanding cat and obviously is deeply loved.
3rd-Apr-2007 02:29 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, sweetie. :(

*hughug*
3rd-Apr-2007 02:31 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you guys warm, good vibes...
3rd-Apr-2007 02:52 am (UTC)
Oh man. I liked Cosmo a lot. What a nice cat. My favorite picture of him is the one of him playing with the keyboard.

I'm glad you have these wonderful pictures and memories to remember him by.

*hugs*
3rd-Apr-2007 04:19 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry ... what a beautiful story, and what a lucky cat. ((hugs)) and best wishes for your inevitably aching heart.
3rd-Apr-2007 04:46 am (UTC)
*sigh* I'm sorry.
3rd-Apr-2007 04:53 am (UTC)
I love the picture of you meditating together. It may not be standard zazen, no...but if satori had a sound, it would purr.
3rd-Apr-2007 05:22 am (UTC)
im crying for a cat ive never met.
maybe its the cheap wine i had with dinner.
or stuff with my grandfather.
but jerico is my rock.
my dog is the one constant in my life.
it'd be lost without him.

i fear the day hes gone.

i am so sorry to read about Cosmo.

if he is half as awesome as you and Pirate, and i can tell from the entry above he is, there is a special field in his afterlife for him to chase moths in.

*hugs*
-m~
3rd-Apr-2007 06:06 am (UTC) - Sympathies
Cosmo was a great cat. At the beginning, to remember which cat was named what, I associated "Nemo" with 'sub-kitty,' which thus left "Cosmo" as the Dom-cat - the one that tended to give others the occasional swipe on the nose. He was very cat.
All my love to all the household.
--B
3rd-Apr-2007 01:53 pm (UTC) - Condolences
My sympathies.

The "heart-cat" concept is new to me and so true.
3rd-Apr-2007 05:17 pm (UTC)
Lexy;
my deep sorrow and empathy for your loss.

It won't be easy for a while. When I lost my beloved Keegan years ago, I saw him around the house for months, just around the corner...

I am also glad for you, to have had so many wonderful years with a lovely and loving cat. Tali is that for me. Sometimes we get a good one!

You have my love, and understanding. I wish there was more we could do, while I know there is not.
Please take care of yourself.
4th-Apr-2007 07:20 am (UTC)
Damn, my heart's with you.
4th-Apr-2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
you have my sympathy. it's unbelievably difficult to lose a beloved pet. may he forever roll in that big catnip patch in the sky.
14th-Jul-2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
hi, i found you via sidhe_demon's lj. i just lost my cat yesterday. reading your entry and the part about "heart cat" really hit a nerve. lexie was my heart cat. he knew me better than any cat i've ever had. and i've loved ALL my cats.

he was my furry baby. my boo. my heart cat.

his sister knows something is up, and has been unusually affectionate. thankfully.

i'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs* it's a suckie suckie thing.
3rd-Dec-2008 07:06 am (UTC)
I know this is late, but you put words to a lot of things I'm feeling these days in the aftermath of a dear kitty's passing. Thank you.
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